Realization
by alexanndria
Summary: That's why they call it a crush. If it were easy, they'd call it something else.


Author's Note:

This is an excerpt from a fic I am currently trying to work on. I haven't decided if I should actually write it yet. So I'm being lazy and writing small scenes in different POVs. Hopefully the inspiration will hit me and I'll hit the ground running. But until then I hope you enjoy this.

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><p>Realization<p>

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><p>That's why they call it a crush. If it were easy, they'd call it something else.<p>

~Sixteen Candles

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><p>I was never much of a loving person. I would much rather immerse myself in a book than a romance. It was pointless. Books are fact. Books are fake. They can't hurt you. I mean they can't steer you wrong.<p>

Through the mirror I could see my self exhale in and out slowly. I picked up the brush that sat next to my hands and started to groom my hair with it. I placed it atop my head in its signature bun. It always looked so dull this time of year. Not the warm blonde I like it to be.

I can hear loud snores behind me. A slight smile as I imagine what people would think if they saw her. The beautiful Queen of Hogwarts snoring like a sailor in her sleep. The image elicited another giggle.

I grabbed my favorite scarlet cloak along with my favorite book. No one would be out to see me; I didn't much care for my appearance. It was a snowy Saturday morning.

Walking the halls I see various couples wandering. Not paying me any attention. That dreaded holiday was coming up. I never much cared for it. Never had any reason to. It was Natalie's favorite holiday. Besides our birthday, it was the only time of the year where she got free gifts for no particular reason.

Anytime she gets presents is a good day for her. But it is to be expected everyone loves her. Sigh. To say that isn't fair. I get gifts as well, just not from anyone I care about. Not that I wanted anyone to care. Nope not at all. Its just sickening to watch all of them parade around as if they have this wonderful love. We're way too young to know what love is even if it exists at all. It meant nothing, not to me at least. I would be married off to Eric by May, sooner if my parents can help it. Dreaming for love is naught.

It's never hard to find a quiet place outside in the winter. Everyone was too fickle to come out in the cold and no one would be looking for me at this hour. The sun was only starting to rise and without classes to worry about I doubted if anyone would be out of bed before noon.

Ah here it is. _Pride and Prejudice._ Probably about the 50th time I've read it but I'll never tire. Amidst all of the books I own, this is my favorite. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I had to sneak it past my Governess countless times so she wouldn't tell my parents that was engaging in frivolous activities. It has nothing to do with the content. Of course not. I didn't care about that at all.

I was in their world. What I wouldn't give to go back to that simpler time, when I didn't have to worry about war I might have to fight or a love that I can't have. If I wanted a love that is. Not that I do. That's absurd. Preposterous.

'_I think you're pretty.'_

How many nights have I spent analyzing that one sentence that was said so off handedly? Not that I care that much. It was just out of character is all. A girl is allowed to be curious, right? Of course. He probably just said it to tease me. He's never serious about anything he says, no matter how ironic that might be.

Another sigh. I completely hopeless. Who am I kidding? No one but myself of course. I am flying on a flight of fancy. Blowing kisses in the wind. I am co-.

"I'm done being your slave for the day Prongs. Practice is over."

"I made new formations."

"Going back to bed."

My head popped up; springing me from my thoughts. I realized that I had forgotten my gloves when I could feel the stinging cold from the snow as I scrambled to my feet. In and out. I try to regulate my erratic breathing; I'm failing. I can hear footsteps coming closer. Please don't let him see me. I confess that my make shift hiding place wasn't the best choice, but it's the best I had. He looks amazing in that uniform. The way it fit was perfect. Maybe he won't notice me. Maybe he's too tired from practice. I've heard Potter can be a crazy person when it comes to that. Maybe h-.

"Victoria? Why are you hiding behind that tree?" Dammit.

"I'm not hiding. I was looking of something." Good save.

"Oh really." His eyebrow raise proved he didn't believe me. "Did you find it?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I did. Thank you." There goes the erratic breathing again. Don't let him see you sweat Victoria. You are not going to become the school's laughing stock because you made yourself a prime target of his next stunt with his band of troublemakers.

He's so handsome and smart. He's gentlemanly when he wants to be. He's so…perfect.

"Hello, did you hear me?" Blinking rapidly I could see a hand waving in front of my face.

"Oh. No I didn't."

"So are you and Montgomery going to the Masquerade together?" Yet again out of character. He was staring to scare me.

"Not that it's any of your business but yes I am It's to be expected."

"Right, with him being the love of your life and all."

"Don't say that." I didn't mean for that to come out so fast. Great what is he going to think of me now?

If he thought anything of it, it wasn't shown. He merely raised his hands up in surrender and smirked. That cute lopsided grin that alw-. Okay, this has got to stop. Victoria get out of here before you do or say something stupid.

"Well I'm on my way back to the castle. So if you'll excuse me." I moved past him and walked toward the gates.

"Hey Malfoy! Nice cloak. It's a wonderful color on you."

I didn't turn. Not because I had nothing to say. Because I didn't want him to see the rose on my cheeks. The sun was burning too brightly on my face to blame it on the cold air.

Instead I carried on as if I had never heard him. Resigning myself to another week of analyzing. No questions, no answers. No answers, no complications. No risks.

I lied. I'm completely jealous of other people and their happiness. I immerse myself in books to distract myself from my own grim situation. All I want to do is be in love. In love with Sirius Black.


End file.
